Might I Have a Sip of Your Tasty Beverage?

Recently, the husband and I went to a local pizza restaurant. Before the owner rang up our order he warned us, "Our soda machine is out of order; would you like a drink from the cooler?" Bryan said, "Yeah, sure."

You know that giggly feeling you get when you know something someone else doesn't, and you know when they realize what you know, it's gonna be, like, awesome? I'd seen the cooler on the way in. It wasn't full of Coke products (an impossible dream north of the Mason-Dixon), or even Pepsi products. It was full of Marsh brand soda.

My excitement made time freeze as he slow-motion turned to the cooler... I saw him see the soda... then, no wait, that can't be right... is that really??... right here in a restaurant? Then his face registered the full horror, and he said, "Aww, man! I feel like I'm eating at my cousin's house."

We had a healthy debate about why a restaurant would possibly stock a cooler with generic soda. First, this pizza joint does a lot of takeout business, but they also have seating for about 30 in their dining room. It seems like a costly risk, when you could just pay a few cents more for real drinks. Don't worry; our story did have a happy ending. (The pizza was fantastic, and the owner doesn't even look surprised when you bring in a big gulp from the gas station next door.)

I've never had good generic soda, but I've had a few good laughs at their names. Since supermarkets are regional, and all brands have their different spun-off brand names, I thought it might be fun to share our favorite generic soda names.

In Georgia, I lived near a FoodMax. FoodMax's generic brand was called "Southern Home" and they worked some variation of the name into each of their drinks:

Dr Pepper = Dr. S
7-Up = Southern Up

Some of the fruity ones get fun, too. Like when the off-brand starts trying to squeeze too damn many words onto the can. Like "lemon lime-o super sizzle berry blast." I mean, that just sounds too exciting to drink, then it goes flat before you get it to your lips.

Let us have it, commenters. Let's hear your funniest off-brand soda names. You can even give us a quality report if you managed to choke down any of it.

From Underemployed to Unemployed and Back to Working Stiff Again

It took me being jobless to post, but, by God, here we are. The good news is, my new job starts Monday. I left being a technician at an Optometry office to go back to my old life in government consulting. Once again I will have one of those jobs where people say, "huh? So what do you actually do?" It's business consulting for government clients, so on a high level, it's helping government run more efficiently. What you actually do is determined by the project you're working on. I happen to think mine's pretty cool (at least with the blissful ignorance of not having begun.) I'll let you know if I still think it's cool after I've eaten from the tree of knowledge on Monday.

I should have some interesting news later; perhaps some info on a souvenir from Mexico. (In news, we called that a tease) but now for the urgent stuff.

Next Friday, Bryan and I are going to New York City for a few days. Woo-hoo! This will be my first trip to the city, and maybe Bryan's second. (I'm sure I'll be corrected at Chiliburgers if I'm wrong.)

We're going for religious reasons: A pilgrimage to the Cathedral of Baseball. Yankee Stadium and Shea Stadium are both closing this year, and Bryan's never been to either. So, that's nice. But here's the thing; I'm not really into baseball. I'm sure it will be fun and everything. You know, historic and whatnot. But I'd like to add in a few things more in line with my interests. So far, we have tickets to Avenue Q, which is kinda like Sesame Street for grownups. That sounds incredibly fun, but I need a few more ideas.

So, Internet, have you been to the Big Apple? If so, what do you think we shouldn't miss? If not, any burning thoughts on what you would see if you go someday?

Changes in Latitude, Changes in Attitude

Bryan and I are in lovely Puerto Vallarta for a few days. He won it for being such a stud at his job, and I'm just along for the ride, shamelessly soaking up the happy. This is the view from our balcony:

Mountains and ocean at the same time. Sigh.

It's one of those all-inclusive resorts, which has it's perks...

Entertainment center with liqour taps. Sigh.

Don't get me wrong - I don't have a terrible life back home, by any means. But Internet: you just have to trust me. I needed this. This is my first trip to another country where they don't speak English. My one year of high school Spanish is coming back slowly... luckily Bryan took three years. We also happen to be here on Cinco de Mayo, which, so far seems to be one of those holidays that's all about selling more Corona in the states.

It's time for breakfast, so I'll post more later. (Typical, huh? I post barely once a month for six months, go on vacation and post constantly. Therapists call it an "all or nothing" personality. My picture's in the text book next to the definition.) Happy Cinco, you crazy gringos.

Brown County Doughnuts

I like it here in Indiana - I really do. The people are nice, the weather is (mostly) mild, and they're even getting a few decent barbeque restaurants. But, every now and then I run into something that completely offends my southern sensibilities.

While dining at a new barbeque restaurant, I found something on my plate that did just that. They call them "Brown County Biscuits." I've met these poorly named pastries before. They are yummy little discs of deep-fried dough rolled in cinnamon sugar and served with apple butter.

Apparently, these little culinary wonders hail from Brown County, Indiana which is right where the ginormous glacier that flattened the midwest stopped, leaving a lovely little mountain community. You can imagine how the flatlanders flock down there when the leaves change. Our leaves are pretty, but you literally can't see the forest for the trees. It's flat up here, folks. When they plow the corn, you can stand on a dining chair and see the next county.

I have no beef with these tasty little deep-fried devils, but I have a semantics problem of major proportions:

People, I cannot stress this enough; they are NOT biscuits! I know what biscuits are. I can make them from scratch blindfolded. Biscuits are baked - end of story. They are also a flexible food item - they're equally fantastic with supper as they are with breakfast. They complement both sweet and savory, and I will not stop enjoying them even if modern science discovers white flour makes you grow extra toes.

These Brown County Biscuits are what we call homemade doughnuts in the deep south. Here's the rule people: if you can't eat them with gravy, they are not biscuits. Thank you for your time and attention to this important matter.

What I Think

What is up, Internet? It's been a while. How's your health?

I left the last tagline up way too long. But, you're not thoroughly neglecting your website if you change the tagline, and I don't believe in doing anything halfway. The new one was my humble entry in another blogger's "Six Word Memoirs" contest.

I was honored to be co-winner of the "Invisible Internet People" category of this competition, and eagerly await my unspecified prize at an unspecified time. That's not exactly true; Lori's official winner e-mail stated that she would send it "you know, whenever I get around to it." You gotta admire the honesty. This chick is a much better writer than I am, and God knows she posts more often. So, if you like this, you'll love this.

OK - the following is NOT a political rant. I'm not suggesting you vote for a particular candidate. That's not what this is about. Think for yourself, and vote your conscience. Recently, I received an email forward that completely baffled me.

DISCLAIMER: Before I go any further, it's important that I note that I LOVE the person who forwarded me this e-mail. He did not write it, he simply forwarded it on. I've also reformed my old ways and no longer hold senders accountable for their forwards, so, no hard feelings, dude. The following rant is NOT targeting the forwarder, just the ORIGINAL WRITER. To avoid confusion, let's call this person, "O.W." (Feel free to pronounce it, "Oh Dubyuh" in your mind as you read.)

Also, the subject line was "What Do You Think?" Since this website is my little soapbox, I'm gonna hop on and express my opinion. There are many versions of this floating around, but I'm just addressing the one that hit my inbox.

The subject line "What do you think?" serves as this message's first defense against the delete button. Two lines in, my jaw dropped and it got a little hard to breathe. This email presented several arguments supporting why the "O.W." believes Barack Obama to be the Anti-Christ.

This post will, no doubt, get lengthy, so I won't copy and paste the message here. I'll just give you a list of the message's claims. After each one, I'll tell you what I think.

• It called our nation "pathetic," followed by something about bleeding-heart, secular liberals

There's really no need to address this directly. Keep reading and you'll figure out where I stand.

• It uses the Senator's middle name, "Hussein."

This one's always fun. It comes with the built-in argument: "hey, that's really his name." We all know the purpose of that comment is to label him a terrorist. Did you choose your middle name, Mr. O.W.? Didn't think so. (I apologize for assuming the writer is male. That's just how I see him in my imagination. For the record, I also picture him in a white, pointy hat. But that's just, you know, what I think.)

• It states that Senator Obama is a Muslim and "takes great care to conceal it by mentioning he went to Catholic school."

As long as I've hopped aboard the speculation train, let's just ride it to the next stop: I'm guessing O.W. was equally worked up over whether or not John F. Kennedy would become the Pope's puppet in the White House. Remember? Catholics used to fall subject to hate campaigns back in the day. Kinda interesting that since we've moved past that societal hurdle, it's now feasible to use Catholicism as a cover for the newest religion it's trendy to hate.

• It states that we are at war with the "Muslim nation"

Islam is a peaceful religion. It has a few radical wackos that are very dangerous. In case you haven't noticed, Christianity has some of those, too. I pray that their form of terror doesn't go any farther than writing fear-driven, hate-laden e-mails and forwarding them around.

• the message states that Senator Obama's "mother married a RADICAL Muslim."

What? O.W. is calling someone a religious radical?

Hey, O.W. The kettle called. He referred to you as "the pot." Yeah, AND he says "you're black, too." I wouldn't take that shit if I were you.

• O.W. states that Senator Obama is the Anti-Christ.

OK, I can tolerate a lot of name-calling, but labeling a fellow human being the Anti-Christ is a little too Anti-Love-Thy-Neighbor for my comfort level.

• It says that Snopes.com confirms all this stuff as factual.

Snopes is a website that debunks urban legends. O.W. has undoubtedly received links to this site from his grandkids after he sent them some other outlandish shit. The link in the email takes you to the site's front page. O.W. obviously hopes you won't click on the "politics" link, then the "Barack Obama" link, because once you do, you'll see a whole bunch of "red light" icons signifying that these claims have been debunked. If you're interested, here's a link straight to a very informative article.

• It states that Senator Obama was sworn into Congress on the Quran.

Senator, why don't you take this one?

In the spirit of the six-word memior, I'll sum this up with a six-word response to the Original Writer:

What would Jesus do?
Not this.

Reality Show Hybrid

A month is kind of a long break between posts. For a while there, I was in a funk and didn't have anything positive to say. After that I'd just gotten out of the swing of things. In the interest of easing back into it, I'll keep it short.

The writer's strike is hitting me hard; because when I go through a hard time, mama needs her fiction. In the mean time, to keep things fresh, I'd like to suggest a new reality show that would be the love child of two existing reality shows:

Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?

+

Don't Forget The Lyrics

=

Are You Whiter Than Wayne Brady?

Thank you, and good night.

First Blogiversary

Mississippi Raw Footage is one year and 2 days old today. I've certainly enjoyed it so far, and I hope you have as well.

Racking your brain for that perfect gift to give me for my first blogiversary? A comment would be PERFECT, of course! (I know it's shameless, but it's a holiday. Sort of. Or something.)