And You're the Only Bait In Town

It's the 20th Anniversary of the Discovery Channel's Shark Week. I don't know if you've had the pleasure, but shark week is some sick twisted shit.

I know tons of folks are fascinated with sharks. I have a diver friend who looks forward to this programming all year. But for me, let's just say Colin Farrell would have to host it for me to watch. Nude. I mean, Colin Farrell would have to be nude, not me. But even then I'd only watch until the shark footage started.

Sharks (like Colin Farrell) are beautiful creatures. It's amazing to watch them glide through the water with equal amounts of grace and power; but all shark shows have a segment on shark attacks. If you endure the gory accounts you'll see some nut job with his leg torn off DEFENDING the shark's actions. In one interview, a surfer who (barely) survived an attack described it like a spiritual experience: "Sharks don't mean to hurt people," he pleaded with the audience. "You must realize they have no arms or hands like you and I. They must explore their world with their teeth."

Okay, I'm cool with that until my leg becomes the most interesting part of their world. I admit, I'm hesitant about sacrificing body parts to broaden another vertibrate's horizons. The shark swallowed your FOOT, dude. He wasn't taking a class at the Y.

However, Mr. Hang Five's reflections gave me a whole new perspective. Survival of the Fittest has never made so much sense. Now I, too, root for the shark. If the human herd had to be thinned, de-legging Stubby the Surfer was a solid start.