And You're the Only Bait In Town

It's the 20th Anniversary of the Discovery Channel's Shark Week. I don't know if you've had the pleasure, but shark week is some sick twisted shit.

I know tons of folks are fascinated with sharks. I have a diver friend who looks forward to this programming all year. But for me, let's just say Colin Farrell would have to host it for me to watch. Nude. I mean, Colin Farrell would have to be nude, not me. But even then I'd only watch until the shark footage started.

Sharks (like Colin Farrell) are beautiful creatures. It's amazing to watch them glide through the water with equal amounts of grace and power; but all shark shows have a segment on shark attacks. If you endure the gory accounts you'll see some nut job with his leg torn off DEFENDING the shark's actions. In one interview, a surfer who (barely) survived an attack described it like a spiritual experience: "Sharks don't mean to hurt people," he pleaded with the audience. "You must realize they have no arms or hands like you and I. They must explore their world with their teeth."

Okay, I'm cool with that until my leg becomes the most interesting part of their world. I admit, I'm hesitant about sacrificing body parts to broaden another vertibrate's horizons. The shark swallowed your FOOT, dude. He wasn't taking a class at the Y.

However, Mr. Hang Five's reflections gave me a whole new perspective. Survival of the Fittest has never made so much sense. Now I, too, root for the shark. If the human herd had to be thinned, de-legging Stubby the Surfer was a solid start.

Hey, Look - It's the Bandwagon

The new sitcom I got into last season starts its new season tonight, and I thought it only fair to let you know. It's called My Boys, and it's on TBS. (JJ - you would LOVE this show.)

It's about a female sports writer (Cubs beat writer at the Sun-Times) who has these five close guy-friends including an ex-boyfriend, best friend, brother, and a rival sports reporter. They play a lot of poker and drink a lot of beer. It's one of the funniest shows I've seen in a while, and if you love smart, funny writing and enjoy a strong ensemble cast, this is a find.

You don't have to love sports to love the show, but it's a plus. And for my dude readers, the lead character is that hot chick you've always dreamed of who knows everything about sports. Plus, the first show this season concerns a fantasy baseball draft. (OK, that was a shameless ploy to get my husband to watch with me. Sue me.) Watch it tonight and let me know what you think.

All Done

I just finished the last Harry Potter book. Wow. All I'm saying is wow. If you haven't finished it, do so soon and call/email me so we can talk about it. I know it's a children's book, but what a good read. Whew. Maybe now I can get some things accomplished.

Double Dipper

An open stage act named Otto:

"I know what you're thinking ladies: Who dipped Otto twice in the sexy butter?"

We weren't really thinking that, but I laughed so hard I almost shot beer out of my nose. Which is nearly as good.

Pie Crust and Hydrangea Bushes

I've written a few things about my Mom who passed away. I took a notion to write her a letter. You might find this boring, since it's about stuff my Mom would be interested in. But, my last site meter report looked like binary code so, what the hell. :)

Mama,

It's July in Indiana, and boy is it beautiful. I don't think you ever went to Indiana, did you? Anyway, summer is the best here. We don't get much oppressive heat like Mississippi. (But folks back home can sure thumb their noses at us come February.) Everyone has their good season, and ours is now. The Queen Anne's lace is overtaking the creek behind the house, and the clover's in bloom.

Oh - I wanted to tell you - I made biscuits today and something weird happened. My mind must have been elsewhere because I dumped the milk in before I'd even cut the shortening into the flour. What a mess! It was the last of the milk, though, so I kept going. I cut the flour into the big gob of goo. It was the strangest feeling dough I've ever touched- more delicate than usual, I think. Believe it or not - they came out fine. Not the best ever, but certainly not bad. I'm glad I didn't give up.

I planted a hydrangea bush out front two years ago. It's the variety called "Endless Summer." It's supposed to bloom on the old growth but so far, mine hasn't. This is its second year, and it only has one tremendous bloom on the front. Oh, and it's pink. Isn't that cool? The one beside the old parsonage back home bloomed white in alkaline soil- mine goes toward pink. I could force it blue, but I find it more fun to just sit back and see what nature gives me. I think you would too.

Bryan and I lead worship at church now. I play my twelve string (the one Daddy's friend in Alabama fixed for me) and lead contemporary music. Bryan runs the projector-- we put scriptures and song lyrics on a screen now. I think you'd like it. We use lots of nature backgrounds, and I imagine you'd appreciate seeing creation-type images during church. It's always good to be reminded that God is everywhere, not just the stuffy little church-box we try to cram him into.

You know, several times a day I see some little ordinary something and wonder what you'd think about it. That's kind of silly though. The longer I think, I become certain I know what you'd think because we talked about everything. During the eye-rolling teenage years I gave you every impression that I couldn't care less about what you thought, but you know what? Now I'm really glad you told me. Because, when I have a problem, I know exactly how you'd solve it. That logic carries me through so many things because you took the time to raise me so thoroughly.

By the way - remember when you used to ball up the extra pieces of pie crust dough and throw them at us when we walked in the back door? The gig is up, lady. I made that recipe for a July 4th picnic, and barely had enough for both pies. You totally MADE extra dough to throw at us.

Thanks.

My Give-A-Damn's Busted

Yeah, yeah. I know that's song title becomes void of wit when you see it written, but who seriously cares? Not me, buddy. Have you ever lost the motivation to do anything you don't HAVE to do? Yeah, me too. I even looked under the couch cushions. Nothing.

I wouldn't say I'm sad or anything. Not really. Just pretty unconcerned and unmotivated. I seriously have done nothing but watch Scrubs re-runs, eat and sleep. Haven't been wasting a lot of energy respecting myself either.

Needless to say, impassioned narratives aren't in MRF's immediate future. Unless, of course, you write one. Tag, Impassioned Commenter. You're it.