Best Practical Joke EVER

It was hard to decide where to start reminiscing about my recent adventures, but this will certainly do. This practical joke was five years in the making, so I'll include time stamps so you can keep up.

[RECENTLY]
I was headed to Mississippi for family stuff when my best friend Jessica and I realized we would be in the very same town at the VERY SAME TIME. This is no small feat since we live in different states. So, she asked Bryan and I to join her and the family for drinks one night.

[NAME REFERENCE in case you get lost]
Jessica's Dad: Jeff
Jessica's Dad's Best Friend: Craddock
Jessica's Dad's Best Friend's Other Friend Who Tagged Along: "Matt " (Name changed to protect the drunk and guilty).

[FLASHBACK TO 5 YEARS AGO - JESS'S WEDDING]
After the reception a few of us retired back to Craddock's room for a drink or two or seven. At that point, Matt and I realized we grew up in the same county in Mississippi and had lots of acquaintances in common. Since nothing's more fun than listening to two people with a past, Bryan's ADD kicked in and he announced that he was going to our room to sleep.

Since Matt was my home skillet, I stayed and we kept talking. Soon I got sleepy, and he kindly offered to walk me to my room. HOWEVER, about halfway there he suggested we take a side trip to make out on the beach. I of course responded, "Dude - I'm married!" To which he said, "I am too!"

Now, I try not to be too judgemental, but it took me by surprise. I'm an idealist, what can I say? After I choked down the little bit of vomit in my mouth, I hastened to my room. Of course I woke Bryan to thank him for leaving me to the wolves. He laughed.

I decided not to tell Jessica because a bride just doesn't need to hear that shit right after the wedding. However, in the sober light of day, Matt regretfully confesses the incident to Craddock, who laughs. Craddock tells Jeff, who also laughs.

[WE'RE BACK TO RECENTLY]
A month ago I realized five years had passed without Jessica knowing the funny story. I gave her a play by play over the phone. In shock she called her dad and asked if he knew about it. Jeff laughed and said, "Oh, yeah, everybody knows."

So when we all met for drinks, Jeff made a proposal. He said, "Craddock lives right down the road and Matt is there now {dramatic pause} ...let's get him."

Jeff walks in first followed by Jess and me. They say, "Hey, look who we found..." and I give a big syrupy hello and ask if he remembers me. He looks terrified and first asks if we have any children together.

(My lips to God's ears - I would have traded my eye teeth for a four-year-old with a baby mullet and a trucker hat.)

I reassured him that I wasn't there for child support, but he kept pretending not to know me. So, I thickened up the accent and said, "Well, I sure remember you!" and planted a loud kiss on his cheek that left some lipstick behind. Bryan barged in on cue and demanded, "what the hell are you doing with my wife?"

Now, Bryan actually can look quite mean. That night? Not so much. In his defense, Jeff and Jessica were giggling their asses off, so he couldn't really find his motivation. However, that may have saved Matt from a cardiac incident. He was staring wide-eyed as if halfway-upset Bryan had a chainsaw and a leather mask. Soon after that, Matt realized it's a set up since almost everyone was giggling.

Quote of the night:
Bryan: That's a very nice car you have out there.
Matt: You can have it.

So, of course we all sat down and laughed. And it was much more fun laughing about it together than seperately all these years. It may have just been a simple and poorly executed practical joke, but I truly haven't had such a good time in years. There's nothing like being home with the people you love. And, of course, people who got drunk once and tried to mac on you.