I'm lucky; I couldn't ask for a better husband so Valentine's Day isn't so bad for me. But, reading some other posts about the holiday reminded me how V-Day felt during the relationship free periods. We've all been there, and if you're needing a little hope, I'd like to share a story from my past:
On April 27th, 2000 (more later on why I remember the date) my roommate dragged me to a bar called Rock-a-Billies. I REALLY wasn't feeling the whole club scene, but being five years younger than me my roommate was convinced shaking my groove thang would cure my dating ills.
Early on I was approached by a dude whose cowboy hat brim was wider than his shoulders. Seriously, had a sudden rainstorm blown in, he would have been SET. He opened with, "You sure are purty." He asked me to dance, and I decided it couldn't hurt and he might even be a nice guy. Trying to make conversation I asked, "What do you do for a living?" He said proudly, "I ride horses."
OK - there are subtle nuances here that will go unnoticed without regional background. If you aren't savvy to southern courtship, since he didn't specify, "I ride the rodeo circuit" or "I'm a farrier/trainer/large animal vet," he was running the HORSE SCAM.
I was supposed to respond, "Awwww! I just LOVE horses!" And swoon.
I know this because I've seen the horse scam run with great success. My brother had a very effective version in which he wore a belt buckle with an oval miniature painting of two random horses. One brown one and one white one.
When the girl he was dancing with asked, "are those your horses?" he replied lovingly, "Oh yeah, that's Brownie and Scott." From there he wove a tale of the distress he's endured since poor Brownie had to be put down, but he and Scott were trying to move on. (This tapped into the female's nurturing instinct AND put the image of him on a WHITE HORSE in her mind - nice touch, huh?) This almost always drew a "Bless your heart" from the victim, indicating that the groundwork was set. It was the ultimate player scam, redneck-style.
There was some over-the-shoulder eye rolling as I finished dancing with the cowboy. I left the club with an even bleaker outlook than when I entered.
The very next day, I met a really nice normal guy whom I married exactly one year from that date. I still tease Bryan that he owes some portion of his success to Mr. You Sure Are Purty.
3 comments:
*takes copious notes on use of horses to pick up chicks*
I implore you, please don't be *that* guy.
However, if your heart's set on it, I'm not sure how effective it will be around Baltimore. You might need to go a bit deeper into W.VA... :)
I really don't make this crap up. In fact, I originally remembered the horses as Brownie and Pete. Bubba IM'd me the correction that the white horse's name was Scott. So, maybe you could use the name Pete to avoid confusion (or copyright infringement).
Just for the record, I still have that belt buckle. The belts have come and gone, but the infamous "Brownie and Scott" buckle is a legend in it's own time. By the way weasel, the least number of teeth the chicks have, the better the gig works! Lots of luck in your endeavors.
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